I think it was yesterday, not sure though. I mean it COULD have happened then, but I'm not positive. I did notice just this afternoon however an alarming sight on our Townsquare Media front door. This is something we all have come across at one ghastly time or another. Right towards the bottom of our radio station's front door, where people come to collect their concert tickets and such, we were attacked.

The streak resembles some evil comet in the sky

Here is evidence of something that resembles the cowardly act of a bird. Whether this flying feathered foe targeted us or not is still under investigation. Sadly we have no cameras that caught this unbelievable act, nor any witnesses. This streak is now plastered on our front door - STILL.

I have compared this smear to other acts that have violated my car in the parking lot

I am still waiting to find out if any BDNA (Bird Deoxyribonucleic acid) matches from our business door to my 2001 SILVER Chevy Impala (that goes 0-60 in 6 and a half minutes).

I've interviewed every cat in the area

Sadly no witnesses like I said before - You would figure at least one stray cat or two would have seen this happen. I have my own theory - judging from the angle, and the measured (half of a Scott McGowan foot) stool, this bird was flying low, fast, and timed it just right.

Personal message to this wanted bird - please keep your diarrhea to yourself!

Finally, the really alarming part of this story is that the carnage is STILL on our door! I offer up a $1.00 reward for the quick removal of the wicked white stain. Thank you


 

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